Good Comes To Those Who Wait
by Ianni Jankovich
Summary: CARBY: Carter struggles with the news of Kem's recent departure. He turns to old addictions and old friends, but someone he ins't expecting helps the most in the end.
1. Words Unspoken

**Part One**

"You can't just leave!"

"We have no reason to be together John."

"But I love you. Don't you get that?"

"Yes, and I love you too, but this is the end."

"No."

"We shared something. That is what held us together. Now we have nothing to share."

His feet were filled with lead. The wind was rushing through his hair, scarring his face. On top of the roof was his haven; it was everyone's haven. _Just jump_, he thought to himself, _no one loves you_. The coffee cup fell eight stories down. He wanted to fall eight stories down into nothingness. His head turned at the sound of laughter.

"Hey Carter." They said in unison. He just stared and declined the stairs.

"Wonder what that was all about."

"Beats me. Probably still moping about Makemba being away."  
"They haven't even known each other for a year yet."

"Abby, she's carrying his son."

"I know," laughs, "but what if it isn't his. That's a possibility, right? I mean, what if she's a total slut like Gillian?"

"Wait. Whose Gillian?"  
"Luka's somewhat of a girlfriend. They all met in Kisangani. She's from Canada though."

"I see."

"What is it with guys going to Africa and bringing back some chick? Can't they see that there are just as exotic women here in Chicago?"  
"I thought you were ok."  
"I am Susan. It just ended so quickly."  
"But you are happy?"  
"I'm happy for him. It would be such a waste of time to mope over the whole situation and be depressed, right? I'm in med school, I have more important things now."  
Smiling, "More important than Carter?"

"Besides, she has something to give him that I can't."  
"Abby…"

"I'm cold. Are you cold? Let's go inside."

"Susan, ETA two minutes out!"

"No Frank, I'm off."

"Carter is the only other attending and Luka is late."  
"Give it to me."  
"GSW to the right thigh, neck, and abdomen. Abby is already setting up in Trauma 2."  
"Why Abby?"  
"Nurse rotation."  
"Where is Carter?"  
"Ambulance bay."

Roaring sirens interrupted the conversation as Susan raced outside fidgeting with her yellow cover up. Carter quickly opened the ambulance doors and a paramedic stepped outside.

"Pregnant woman, mid thirties, name is Daniela Michelson…"  
"Wait, where's the GSW?"

"This is it." pauses, "BP is 30/60, resps are shallow and faint. Says her ex-fiancé did this. Husband was DOA." Susan and Carter rushed into the ER as it began to rain.

"On the count of three. 1…2…3!"

"BP is dropping!"

"Carter we need to intubate!"  
"Abby!"

"I can't, I'm on my nurse rotation."

"If you don't, this woman and her baby will die."

"V-tach."

"Susan, crash cart."

"Charging to 200."  
"Clear!"

"300!"

"Clear!"  
"Got a rhythm."

"Abby, resume compressions, I'll call Corday."

"Carter."  
"What?"  
"Look at her nails, she's hemorrhaging."  
"Damn it!"

"Corday is on her way. What the hell happened?"  
"She's hemorrhaging and her BP is dropping along with the baby's."  
"Flat line."  
"Charging to 260."

"Clear!"  
"V-tach."  
"360!"  
"A systole."  
"400!"

"Flat line."

"Time."

"Forty-five minutes."

"Why aren't you charging to 460?"

"She's gone Carter."  
"Scalpel…emergency c-section!"

"Their both gone."  
"Time of death, 5:45pm

"Ok, I think that was the most depressing patient of the day."

"I second that." Susan added while poring two cups of coffee, rejoinig Abby at the table in the lounge.

"I mean, what kind of psycho would go after a pregnant woman and her husband?"

"Her ex-fiancé."

"Wow."

"Oh, by the way, Chuck and I are getting hitched on May 2."

"Congratulations!" Abby beamed as she took a sip of her coffee.

"Will you be my maid of honor?"

Just then the door slammed open, producing a depressed Carter. He looked at Susan; he looked at Abby and then proceeded to venture towards his locker. "Susan, can you leave?"

"Whatever blows your skirt. But whatever it is, I hope you feel better."

"John, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." He said rubbing his temples and collapsing onto the couch.

"You asked Susan to leave. Why" Abby stood up, walking over to the couch, hovering over him.

"Not now."

"You obviously have something to say!"  
"Go away."

"Carter, I'm worried about you."

"Since when?"

"I'm your friend John. I'm here for you. Just tell me what's going on with you!"  
"No!" he finally said, sternly.

"John, this is your last chance. Do you want me to stay or to leave?"

"Get the hell away from me!"

"Frank, where's Susan?"

"Do I look like her personal assistant?"  
"Frank!"

"Fine. She left about an hour ago…trouble in paradise?"

"Shit." Abby whispered to herself walking over to the lounge. _I don't want to go back in there_. She thought to herself desperately wanting her winter coat.

"I though I asked you to leave."  
"This isn't the Carter Lounge!"

Abby returned to the nurses' station and punched out. There was at least six inches of snow covering the ambulance bay as Abby trotted towards the El. What the hell is wrong with Carter? She thought to herself once more. He was being a little excessive over Makemba not being in Chicago, so she ruled that out. Gamma was dead so she couldn't be bothering him. He hadn't mentioned anything about his father or mother lately so she gave up trying to figure out what was wrong.

Unlocking her apartment door, a series of beeps came from her answering machine. "First message. Hey Abby, it's Neela. I know we're supposed to be tutoring each other tonight but I think I've come down with the Flu. Call me if you need any help. Beep. Second message. Abby, it's Susan. Give me a call. Bye. Beep. End of final message."

After dropping her keys into the bowl and making a warm pot of tea, Abby dialed Susan's number. Chuck answered.

"Yo!"

"Um…hi. Is Susan around?"

"May I ask whose speaking?"

"Abby." She grinned; she loved how he was so protective over Susan.

"Oh, hey Abby. Hold on a sec." Abby could hear a muffled yell of 'Susan!' in the background.

"Abby?"

"Yeh. You left a message."

"Yes I did. Totally forgot. Come over for dinner and bring Neela too."

"She's at home sick. Something about the Flu."

"More of a reason for you to come over."

"What time is it?"

"6:45."

"Sure Chuck won't mind?"

"He gave the idea."

"Fine…I'll be there by 7:15."


	2. Awkward Dinner

Abby stood outside Susan's apartment door. She knocked twice before Chuck had answered. He had quickly ushered her in not wanting the cat to be let out. After taking off her coat and having a brief discussion with Chuck about nothing, Susan emerged from the kitchen carrying a steaming dish of roast beef. "Hope ya like rice, peas, and roast beef." She said quite frankly. Abby noticed how big Susan had become over the passing months. That's all she had been talking about lately; Chuck and she. Abby couldn't help but only be excited for them. They were made for each other. And now a little someone will be receiving both of their love.

"Abby?"

"What?" Abby whispered as she snapped back to reality.

"Ever since I put the dish down, you have been staring at my bulging uterus."

"Oh…sorry. Just a little tired."

"Or thinking about something."

"Susan, do you have to use such vulgar words such as 'uterus' at the dinner table?" Chuck chimed in.

"Technically we're not sitting down yet." Abby added with a grin.

"Then let's." All found their seats and helped themselves to the food. Out of nowhere Susan and Chuck started to giggle. Abby gave them a curious look, but Chuck kept on smiling.

"Ok, what's going on between you two?" Abby stated, placing her fork down.

"Oh…nothing." Susan teased.

"What, what's going on?"

"Well," Chuck started, "we were thinking of baby names the other night and we want to know what you think."

"Ok…" Abby said, still a little curious about the giggling.

"If it's a girls, we were thinking either Lily, Marie, or…Abby."

"You guys!"

"Or if it's a boy either Vaughn, Mark, or Michael."

"So, what do you think?"

"Well," Abby beamed, "if it's boy I like the name Michael-"

"And if it's a girl." Susan edged on."

"Why do you want to name your child after me?"

"Abby, you've been the closest friend I have ever had. I love you!" Susan grinned.

"Ok, your reason Chuck?"

"It's all about my Susie." He smiled and gave Susan a monster of a hug.

"Ok, what did I tell you about calling me Susie?"

"Sorry…sorry." He put his hands up in defense.

After another hour of and rocky road, Abby stated that she was beat and made her way towards the door. Halfway down the building stairs, Susan yelled after her.

"Abby wait!"

"What is it?" Abby said turning around, still messing with her scarf.

"Tell Carter I'm here for him. OK?'  
"I'll tell him." Abby said. She waited a while until she heard Susan's door close. She hadn't even thought about Carter during the dinner. When she got back to her apartment, she took a quick shower and curled up on the sofa to watch a movie she had taped. The phone rang. Abby paused the video and answered the phone only to receive a click on the other end. "Hello!" She hung up the phone and continued watching her movie. It rang again.

"Hello?"

"Abby?" a muffled voice came.

"Who is this?" No answer came, only another click. She began to feel as if she were in a bad horror movie or someone she knew was making a prank phone call. Abby decided to forget about her movie and go to bed in order to have a decent morning.

Sitting alone at the kitchen table, he grasped his cell phone even harder. He couldn't eat, he couldn't think straight. So much had happened this day. Kem had waited a week to tell him about their son. She left. He had the intention of telling Abby, but he got angry with her. God only knows why. He was still mad at her, he decided. She shouldn't have pushed for his response. He was mad at anyone or anything that resembled peace or happiness.

Carter loved Makemba, he really did. Even without their son he would have stood by her in sickness and in health. For richer and for poorer. He would of gone halfway around the world for her, but he had to respect her wishes. He needed to talk to someone. Not Abby, not Abby. Maybe he would talk to Weaver on his next shift…maybe.

Carter ascended the staircase and headed into his bathroom. _All I need is a nice long shower_ he thought. Just as he was about to shut his bathroom door behind him, the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Carter?"  
"Yeh, who's this?"  
"Abby."  
"Why the hell are you calling me this late at night!" he demanded.

"I might as well be asking you the same question."  
"What?"  
"You've already called me twice. Star 69, it comes in handy."

"Well…" he stammered.

"Well what?"

"You wouldn't understand!" he let out a heavy sigh.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"You never do."  
"Maybe because you never tell me the full story!"

"Goodnight Abby."

"John…something is wrong…just admit that first."  
"You're right."

The snow fell heavily, making a miniature wall against the windowsill. A small pot of coffee was brewing in the background. The constant sounds of EKG machines and patient's complaints filled the morning air in the ER lounge. Carter sipped his coffee slowly and stared out the window. Abby abruptly came through door carrying her usual bag and four coffees for the nursing staff and one for Neela. Carter got up and helped her place her load on the counter top.

"Thanks." She said, in a sort of a whisper. He didn't respond. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. Still no answer. "Are you upset with me?" He shook his head yes. "Why?"

"Your shift started five minutes ago." Abby just rolled her eyes and made her way into the busy ER atmosphere.

"Abby, you've got to do something." Chen commented, grabbing a chart.

"Yeh, he's been a little delirious lately." Frank chimed in.

"Who?" Abby asked grabbing a third chart to keep her occupied.

"He's not eating and he won't talk unless he's barking orders at you." Chuny added.

"Makemba left." Luka mumbled.

"Who? What? Wait!" retorted Abby, spinning around and leaning up against the desk.

"Abby…you need to talk to Carter." Susan emphasized while the others nodded their head in agreement.

"Don't you think I've tried?"

"Well try harder; he's driving all of us nuts!" he paused, "Anyone having that last doughnut?

Just then Carter emerged from the lounge. He grabbed a chart and made his way to curtain one without acknowledging anyone.

"See what we mean?" Malik said.

"Ok…I guess I'll try again."

"You guess?" asked Haleh with a little bit of an attitude.

"Hey, it's not like I'm his girlfriend. We haven't talked in a while. It's awkward. Just give it some time."

Everyone gave Abby a look and busied themselves with incoming patients. The nurses station filed out quickly leaving Frank and Jerry to answer the phones.

Susan walked out into the ambulance bay, waiting on an incoming trauma. She could hear the sirens in the distance as she called Gallant out to help. The doors opened.

"MVA! Motorcycle versus six year old on a bike."

"Who rides a bike when it's snowing?"

"Name is Chandler Gohsman and seems to have broken ribs. Mom is on her way. BP is 90/60 and she keeps screaming for someone named Casey."

"Oh, got it." Gallant replied.

"Ok Abby, what do we do?"

"Get a CBC, Chem. 7, a neuro scan, and a portable chest x-ray!"

"Good. Now check the pupils."

"Equal and reactive."

"Now we have to secure an air-"

"I'll tube."

"Abby, visualize the chords…"  
"Ok! I'm in, bag 'em!" The Trauma doors burst open.

"What do we got?"

"We got it Carter. Go see if Weaver needs help next door." Susan answered.

"You need one more attending. Not a med student and an intern!"

"Carter-"

"Casey!"

"Shhh," Abby said, "calm down, your mom will be here any moment."

Moaning interrupted his already sleepless night. His eyelids opened slowly, feeling for the lump that was supposed to be beside him. The moaning grew louder as he felt his way through the dark apartment. "Susan?" he called out. When no answer he came he tried again. "Susan!" The moaning became louder and louder as he made his way to the bathroom. He flicked on the headlight.

"Holy shit!"

"Chuck, there three minutes apart!"

"He had another dream again."

"The one where you are sprawled out in the bathroom and the baby just pops right out of you like a cannon ball?" Abby laughed, almost choking on her coffee.

"Yep, that would be the one."

"What if it happens?"

"It won't."

"Ok, but-" Carter walked into the lounge with his lab coat slug over his shoulder and his tie already loose.

"Guess what!"

"What Susan?"

"I'm due in two weeks!"

"Wow." He barked back.

"Ok, just because Makemba is off fighting AIDS in Africa without you doesn't give you the permission to act like a jerk to everyone else."

"You don't know the half of it!" He yelled, slamming his locker door shut.

Susan stood up, gave him an evil stare, then left.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Abby said through her teeth.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he replied with an evil smile across his face.

"Actually I would."

"So…thinking about hooking up with Luka?"

"What?" Abby gasped in disbelief.

"I really think that you two would make a good couple."

"John-"

"No really, I-"

"Carter!" Abby yelled, rubbing her temples. "You know I would never judge you. I am only here to help. Now this is the last time I'll ask you this and I'll leave you alone."

"What?" he asked flopping on to the black leather couch.

"What is going on?" Abby saw a tear tread down his face. She noticed something in the way he looked at her. He was hurt and still holding on to something. But what? He slowly stood up and walked towards the door.

"Nothing."


	3. Delivery

A week had passed since their conversation in the lounge. It hurt her to think that Carter wouldn't talk to her. She had helped him in the past with his problems and he had always been there for her. Even with their sudden break up and Makemba's arrival, Abby still couldn't figure out why he did not want to tell her what was wrong.

Her shift would end in less thank five minutes, but she grabbed another chart against her better judgment. "The longer you stay…" she whispered to herself as she made her way to curtain three. The patient was an elderly gentleman, eighty-nine was his age. He was easy; just a simple shot of penicillin in his…butt. It didn't faze her a bit.

Just as she returned Mr. Conner's chart, she saw Chuck running towards the glass doors and banging on them like a maniac.

"Abby! Abby! It's Susan; they're like three minutes apart!"

"Where is she?" Abby yelled running over to triage.

"In the car…in the car! You got to help me get her out!"

"Chuny! Get Carter and Pratt! Tell them we have a labor with three minutes apart!"

Abby and Chuck ran outside with the wind whipping at their faces. Abby opened the back door to find Susan passed out and blood everywhere. "Shit!" Susan was brought successfully into trauma one with Carter and Pratt already gloved up. "On my count. 1…2…3!" Neela emerged form trauma two wide-eyed. "Can I assist?" she asked.

"Not this one."

"Well, why not. It seems like a good teaching case."

"Meet Dr. Lewis." Pratt smiled.

"Then may I watch?"

"As long as you're not in the way."

"Shit!" Chuck yelled as he grabbed at his hair. "Why, why is she passed out? What's with all the blood?"

"She has had a lot of blood loss due to vaginal bleeding." Pratt answered.

"But it's nothing we can't handle." Abby added shooting Pratt a dirty look.

"Ok, give me some thoracil and call Coburn up in OB. Tell her we got a live one!"

"Abby, you need to intubate." Pratt whispered.

"She doesn't need it!" Chuck yelled once more.

"Precaution. Now!"

"Um…you guys, I can see the head." Neela quickly stated, backing up against the wall.

"Neela, call the N.I.C.U and Carter, get your ass over here and help deliver this baby!"

"I…I…I can't." Carter simply said and walked out of the trauma room, throwing his gloves onto the floor.

"Neela, grab a stool and firmly place your hands on the head."

Susan started coughing and Abby quickly extubated her. "Chuck?" Susan asked with her eyes barely opened. Chuck rushed to her side and cupped her hand.

"Hey, Dr. Lewis. I'm going to need you to push for me. OK?" Pratt said. "1…2…3!"

"Mmmmnnngghhhh!"

"You're doing good-"

"I've got the neck. Abby!"

"Neela, go wipe down her face, I've got this."

"C'mon Dr. Lewis, two more. 1…2…3!"

"Mmmmnnngghhhh!"

"Shoulders are out. One more!"

"Why is Dr. Carter standing outside?"

"Neela!"

"Sorry."

"1…2…3!"

"Mmmmnnngghhhh! Ouch!"

"Baby is…out! Chuck, come and cut the chord. Right here…good."

All he could see was smiling and laughter. Abby held the fragile infant in her arms and was beaming with joy. She looked beautiful he thought. Chuck came and gently took the baby from her arms. "Susan, it's a girl. We have a girl." He heard their muffled voices say.

"Susan, it's a girl. We have a girl." Chuck beamed.

"What's her name?" Pratt asked, with the biggest smile on his face.

"Amelia Abigail." Susan answered, winking at Abby.

"She's beautiful." Neela commented.

"N.I.C.U is here!" the team announced breaking through the doors.

"Susan, Amelia is going up to the N.I.C.U and you'll be in the ICU for a couple of days."

"I understand."

"Neela, Pratt, bring Susan up will ya?"

"Aren't you coming?" asked Chuck.

"I'm going to find Carter to give him the good news. I'll be up in a bit."

Wow! Abby thought to herself as she walked down the hallway. Susan, a mother and Carter, a soon to be father. She wished she could be so lucky. She couldn't find Carter anywhere. He wasn't in the lounge, by admit, or in the bathroom. Abby heard a strange noise; a noise of someone scrambling through boxes. She made her way towards drug lockup and found Carter with not tie, sleeves rolled up, and his shirt halfway un-tucked. His face was bright red and his eyes were shot. Abby ran around to the opening and tried to grab his arms. "John!" she screamed, trying to stop him from damaging any more supplies. She couldn't bear to see him like this. "John…stop." And he did. He looked at her with hope only to find sadness in her eyes. He fell back against the wall and sunk to the floor as he began to cry. Abby kneeled down in front of him. "John. What, what is it? Just tell me." She begged. His head hung low as he started to cry even harder; his shoulders shaking.

"I should have that moment." He started to say through his tears.

"What?" Abby said wiping her watery eyes with the back of her hand trying to be strong.

"That…Susan and Chuck…that day will never…"  
"John. You and Makemba. You will be a father." She smiled.

"No."

"Yes you will be. And you'll be happy with your son and watch him grow up and-"

"No!" he screamed as he violently stood up, pushing Abby aside. "She's gone Abby!"

"Makemba?"  
"I will never have a son!"

"What, what happened?" Abby asked trying to get closer to him.

"Stay away from me!"

"Ok." Abby sniffed, staring at the ground.

"She had a miscarriage. Went to Africa. Said we didn't have a reason to be together…so she left."

"Oh." Abby said in disbelief.

Carter's knees felt weak as he found himself once again on the floor. Abby didn't know what to do. She slowly walked to where he knelt and she came to her knees right in front of him. She put her hands on his shoulders and eased him towards her. He immediately fell forward and put his head on her shoulder and clung to her like he was holding his teddy bear. "Shhh…" Abby whispered as she hugged him. There they stayed.


	4. Like Yesterday

**Part Two**

Snow melting. Blossoms slowly coming to bloom. The sun peeking out between the clouds. Hints of spring filled the Chicago air as the busy city began to emerge from its icy chamber. Med students beginning to dream about their May graduations; at least the fourth years did.

Neela walked around the slushy ambulance bay thinking only she had three months left before she would become Neela Rasgotra, M.D. Her thoughts were diminished as Susan and Abby greeted her with a simple hello. Luka followed from just eating breakfast at Ike's, then Pratt, then Deb. By then Neela figured it was about time to start her day, slaving away in the ER. She could see Weaver already yelling at some nurse as Frank welcomed her with a racial slur. In the lounge, she disposed of her coffee and pulled on her lab coat. Something caught her eye; a silhouette of someone staring out the window with a mug in their hand. She had seen this same figure everyday now for a couple of months. Never changing, never moving.

"Good morning Dr. Carter." Neela tried. He gave a weak smile and raised his mug as if giving her a toast. She quickly displaced the moment in her mind. The board was calling her like a moth to the flame. She was tired of drug seekers, tired of them all. Deb pushed by her, not saying sorry, and pulled five charts from the rack.

"These are for you."

"I just got here."

"So did half of Chicago. Find me if you need any help."

"But Dr. Carter is my attending." Neela persisted.

"Just come to me."

Neela just rolled her eyes. She never liked Dr. Chen anyways.

Chuny and Haleh cornered Abby at Jerry's computer.

"So…tell us."

"Yeah, are you and Carter back together?"

"What are you going to do about Kem?"

Abby looked at them both, in disgust.

"We're not back together."

"But I saw you two hugging in drug lock-up."

"You know, friends do hug." Abby said trying to push by them.

"Well it seemed to me you were doing a lot more than just hugging."

"Ummm hmm."

"You guys," Abby whispered with a serious tone, "he just broke down and-"

"Dr. Carter three o'clock." Haleh hissed, scurrying to the fax machine.

"I'll call social services on that kid Abby." Chuny chimed in.

Carter threw his bagel out in the trash and stood next to Abby. She glanced over in his direction, trying to read his face to see if he had heard any of their conversation. His face was blank as usual, so she thought nothing of it. Abby started to move away but he grabbed the chart in her hand.

"I'd appreciate it if you would stop spreading rumors about me."

"I wasn't, I-"

"I just saw you with-"

"I know, Chuny and Haleh, ER's biggest gossip queens. Don't worry, they didn't get anything out of me." He sighed. "They thought we were making out." She laughed.

"It's not funny."

"Sorry."

Weaver stood in the middle of the nurses' station and coughed to get everyone's attention. She was holding up a vial of vicodin and codine.

"Would someone please care to explain why there is only one vial left of each of these?" Everyone shook their heads no and shrugged their shoulders. "No is going home if the others aren't found!" A den of groaning filled the space. Murmuring curse words under their breaths, everyone went their separate ways.

"Wonder where they went?" Carter said a little too happy as he grabbed some charts to leave.

"Yeah." Abby whispered, walking in the other direction.

Carter disappeared just as fast as he had come. Who would steal fifty cases of painkillers besides some drug seeking SOB; Abby thought to herself. It was going to be a long day if no one figured out where the missing cases were. All day people questioned one another so they could go home. It finally reached the twelve-hour mark of the day shift. Weaver gathered the staff once again, but before she could yell anymore, Sam stepped forward.

"Kerry. Maybe someone stole; a patient, I mean. None of us need have it, none of us need it."  
"Well, that is a good point but-"

"But what?" Pratt sighed.

"Fine. But Sam, order new ones and file a complaint with risk management."

"Sure." Sam mumbled.

The day shift finally out as the night shift came in. Abby was working a double so she collapsed on the couch in the lounge. She soon drifted off to sleep and dreamed about…everything. Abby dreamt about that Carter and she were still together. She dreamt about the morning he had unexpectedly pulled her into the shower with him. She remembered when they had walked along the beach and he tried to explain the chaos theory to her. "No, your just chaos in general." He had said. Still sleeping, she could hear open into the lounge. A few minutes later she awoke with Carter staring at her. Abby didn't open her eyes all the way, so he didn't notice that she was awake. His look was different. It was as if he wanted something; he was yearning. Abby waited until he got up and fixed himself a pot of coffee.

"Hey." Abby murmured, pretending to be sleepy.

"Hey." He simply answered.

"You pulling a double too?"

"No."

"So, what are you still here for?" she laughed getting up from the couch, sitting at the table.

"Best to keep busy right?"

"Sure." She said with somewhat of repose. He joined her. Abby pondered the thought of telling him about her abortion. Maybe it would help him. Maybe it wouldn't. In a way she too had lost a child. "How are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm ok I guess."

"Do you miss her?" she wondered why she asked.

"A lot." Abby sighed. He didn't deserve this. He spoke again. "Remember that time we were walking along the beach?"

"Yes." Abby smiled, but not hopeful.

"And we were talking about the chaos theory."

"Correction, you were explaining it to me."  
"Well, I think Kem is a part of it too.

"Oh." Abby's smile disappeared into a frown.

"Anyway, got to go to work. Right?"

"When did you last eat?"

"Why?" he asked a little disturbed.

"You just look thinner."

"Please don't be Gamma."

"You have circles under your eyes and-"

"Abby…don't."

"I'm worried, John."

"Don't be."

"Are you going to be ok?"  
"I will be."

"It's just that I never see you go home or eat."

"Thanks Abby. Just tell me I look like shit."  
"That's not what I-"

"I have to get back to work."

Abby was right; he thought. I do look like shit. Carter stared at his reflection the mirror. He opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a clear bottle from the back. Atlanta my ass. He sunk down in the corner of his bathroom. Carter felt the warm tingling feeling trickle through his veins, taking over his whole body. Soon later, he passed out, his head hitting the cold tile floor.

The next morning Weaver was complaining about the lack of discipline of the hospital staff. Sam had misplaced a lab and Carter was late…again. The ER was over whelmed and too busy. Susan threatened to close down the ER, but weaver wouldn't hear of it. All the gossip was about Carter, as usual. The whole staff was hoping Abby would "fix" him. No one knew. They just seemed to notice that he talked less and less about Makemba.

During the lunch hour Abby decided to give Carter a call. No answer at home, no answer on his cell. Patients slowly became less and less. Luka swung by to pick Sam up so they could takes Alex to the movies. Abby's shift ended in a couple of minutes. She didn't have to be back until eight the next morning for her psych rotation. Abby walked by the El deciding whether or not to take it to Carter's. She saw Susan boarding and ran up the stairs to meet her. "Hey!" Abby said, out of breath.

"Oh…hey!"

"Is Chuck with the baby?"

"Yeah. This isn't your line, is it?"

"No. I just-"

"You should. He's lucky to have you right now."

"Thanks. It's just that he won't talk."

"Do you know what's wrong?"  
"Yes, but it's really not my place to say."  
"I'll respect that. Anyway, you still haven't given me answer for May 2 yet."

"What's on May 2?" Abby said smiling, caught off guard by the major change of subject.

"My wedding! Don't tell me you forgot."

"Yes. I mean no. No I didn't forget and yes I'll be the maid of honor."

"You know Carol, right?"

"Carol…?"

"Hathaway."  
"Yes. Why?"  
"She and Doug are flying in from Seattle with Tess and Cate."

"Doug Ross was the father?"

"Yep." Susan beamed.

"I never knew." Abby smiled.

Susan got off at her stop as Abby moved to a seat closer to the sliding doors. She dialed Carter's number again, but still no answer. She knocked on his door three times. On the third, the door swung ajar. "Carter?" Abby ventured in. The place was a mess. Trash was all over the floor, dishes unwashed, and the abandoned TV droned on in the background. Only the rays from between the blinds let any light in. She quickly found the light switch and walked further into his apartment. Abby saw a ripped up picture of him and Makemba lying in the middle of the hallway. She picked it up and placed it on a nearby table. Down the hall the sound of rushing water came into focus. Abby pushed the door aside and found Carter brushing his teeth in only his boxers.

Carter caught the sight of Abby in the mirror and quickly turned around; toothbrush still in hand, paste still in mouth.

"What are you-" spit, "doing here?" he yelled.

"Your door was open." She said calmly.

"So you just walk in?"  
"I broke my phone." He laughed.

"This isn't funny."

"What are you doing, making house calls now?"  
"Look at you. I can see your rib cage." She said, gesturing to him.

"I've been working out." He said, throwing on his shirt that was on the floor.  
"I'm calling a pizza." Abby said turning away from him.

"Told you my phone was broke."

"On my cell."

Carter crossed in front of her and plopped down in the sofa. He turned the TV off and grabbed a box on the floor and motioned it to Abby.

"What?" she asked, starting to open it.

"Here. I can't stand the stuff." She looked inside. She found baby clothes, books, and toys.

"Carter-" she started to say.

"No. Take it. I don't need the reminder. Give it to Kerry or Susan." He waved his hand in the air as to hurry the box away.

"Do you want to talk about it?"  
"No." he simply said.

"It always helps to relieve stress."  
"Don't go doctor on me now."  
"As a friend."

Abby sat on the opposite side of the couch, finishing a piece of pepperoni. He just stared.

"Yes?" Abby smiled; her only response to his quietness.

"You're presence is soothing."  
"Um…ok. I'm going to go to use your bathroom." She said standing up, crossing in front of him and running her hand through her hair. When she reached the bathroom, Abby immediately started rummaging through the cabinets. There was no way he could be acting this way without any help. She reached the medicine cabinet and found a close to empty bottle of painkillers. She opened the cap and found only three pills left. It was prescribed that morning. Abby could hear Carter walking down the hallway and quickly slipped the bottle into her bag.

Carter leaned against the door, folded his arms, and sighed.

"Hey Abby."

"Yep."  
"Thanks."


	5. Wounded

Susan walked out of the dressing room frustrated. The dress didn't fit. Chuck was across the street getting a bagel and carrying Amelia to the park. She needed assistance. She tried calling out to the sales clerk, but no answer. Susan pulled out her cell phone and found Abby's number on speed dial.

"Hi!"  
"Susan?" Abby answered, exhausted. She rolled over in her bed rubbing her eyes. She rolled over and looked at the clock. It was her first Saturday off and it was ten in the morning.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"  
"Nope, not at all." _Yes_! She rolled her eyes.

"Can you help me with something?"  
"Sure." Abby laid her head back into her pillows.

"Meet me at Lucy's Bridal in thirty minutes."

"Ok." She closed her eyes for five more seconds.

Abby hung up the phone and threw off her covers. "Fifteen more minutes please." She whispered. She pulled on her sweater (really it was Carter's, the one item she didn't give back because of it's comfort level) and set out to make a fresh pot of coffee. Twenty minutes later she found herself walking along Lakeshore Ave with two cups of coffee in her hand. Abby spotted Susan reading a magazine through the window.

Susan turned at the sound of the bell jingling on the door and at the smell of fresh coffee.

"Here." Abby said, handing Susan a cup of coffee and taking off her bag.

"I hate you." Susan smiled. "You wake up thirty minutes ago and you still look amazing."

"I feel like crap, thanks."  
"Up late?" Susan asked, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Yeah. I was over at Carter's. When I got home there was a message on my answering machine saying that my Saturday morning rotation was canceled so I decided to go see a movie."

"Oh…sorry." Susan winced.

"So, need help picking out your wedding dress?"

The alarm went off at eleven. His shift started at twelve. He slowly crawled out of bed wondering why his apartment looked a little bit cleaner. Abby was there; he remembered that much. Heading towards his bathroom, Carter noticed that his medicine cabinet was ajar. Frantically, he immediately rummaged towards the back, only to find that his bottle was missing. "Abby!"

Crossing the apartment, he threw on some sweats over his pajamas. He found a payphone on the corner of the street.

"Thank you for calling your local pharmacy. How may I help you?"  
"I need a prescription refilled." He said annoyed.

"Name?" the perky voice asked on the other side.

"John T. Carter the third."

"One moment please." He was put on hold. Abbey Road played in the background.

"Sir?"

"Yes?"

"It was filled two days ago."

He paused, "What?"

"300 mgs filled two days ago sir…"

"Well, is that a problem?" Carter asked running his fingers through his dismantled hair.

"If you took that many, you should be dead right now."

"No…someone stole them from me." He gritted through his teeth.

"Well then…I'm just a tech and I…hold on, I'll get my boss…"

"Now lady, I-" there was a click on the other end.

Carter smashed his fist into the metal booth. His knuckles started to bleed as he plunked down against the pole, hitting the back of his head against it.

Susan and Abby walked out of the bridal shop across the street. While Susan was trying to hide her dress in the trunk of her silver car and Chuck trying not to peek but help at the same time, Abby held Amelia for a moment. After saying goodbye and planning to meet up for dinner, Abby crossed the street to use the payphone. She was worried about Carter and deserved a call. Dialing his number she waited a while ring after ring. Deciding to give up and head into work early, she almost hung up when Carter knocked violently knocked on the glass violently causing her to drop the receiver.

"You…you…why!" he yelled pulling on his jacket zipper.

"Excuse me?" Abby said taking a step back.

"Maybe you remember stealing a bottle out of my medicine cabinet, hmm?"

"You're over medicating yourself. You need help." She replied saying the last line in a whisper.

"Well you're the drunk and the alcoholic!" he shot back with an evil smile creeping onto his face.

"Bye Carter." She turned to leave but Carter grabbed her wrist and lurched her towards him.

"Give them back…." He gritted between his teeth.

"Let go." She said calmly, laughing a little thinking his force was a joke.

"Give…them…back" he replied staring down in her sad brown eyes, tightening his grip.

"You're hurting me, John."

"Give the fucking pills back or-"

Abby slapped him and gasped at what she had just done. He stood there for a second, recovering from the shock and the pain. He looked at her brown eyes one last time and walked away quickly.

Abby took her wrist into her hand to examine the damage. It hurt like hell. A single tear raced down her cheek. She took the EL to County. Walking through the ambulance bay doors, She spotted Dr. Weaver coming out of Trauma One.

"Oh my God, Abby."

"We need to talk."

They sat in the lounge in silence; Weaver waiting patiently for Abby to speak.

"So, that happened to your wrist?"

"That's not important." She quickly stated placing her hands underneath the table.

"Abby-"

"Carter needs help." Rummaging through her purse, she found the bottle she had taken from his bathroom and placed it on the table. "He's 'escaping' on these."

"What?" Weaver pulled her glasses out of her lab coat.

"I went to his apartment the other night, just to check up on him, then found the bottle in the bathroom."

"Does he know they're missing?"

"Yes." Abby said looking at her now swollen wrist.

"Did he do this to you?" Weaver asked with some remorse.

"He didn't mean to."

"Abby-"

"I just need to get him admitted somehow or just…I don't want him to go back to Atlanta."

They sat in awkward silence both remembering that fatal day so many years ago when Abby told Dr. Green about this same thing. Weaver interrupted.

"Why don't you go with him?"  
"And do what, hang out at the center all day?"  
"We'll sign him up for an outpatient program…rent an apartment."

"I can't afford-" Abby started with an uncomfortable laugh.

"Paid vacation."

"Maybe," Abby sighed, "Can I get some Advil for this?"

"What you need is an x-ray."

"Advil will do."

"Might be broken." Weaver stated, readjusting her glasses and pushing in her chair.

"He wouldn't break my-"

"But he did."

A week had passed and Abby walked to Susan's apartment for lunch. She was still on leave and had asked Abby to stop by. After an hour of just random talking, Susan brought up the subject Abby was trying to avoid.

"What happened?"

"To who?" Abby said, caught off guard and wincing at the stupidity of her answer.

"Your wrist is in a brace and you haven't mentioned what happened."

"Oh, fell down the stairs."

"I've never known you to be a klutz."

"Crushed by an oncoming gurney?" Abby tried.

"Abby-"

"Don't tell anyone." Abby said, a little uneasy about what she was about to say.

"Cross my heart, hope to die…stick a needle in my eye."

"Not even Chuck."

"Deal. What happened?"

Abby stared at her friend, trying to think of a reason not to tell her. Everyone at County bought the idea of her falling down the rickety stairs. But not Susan.

"Carter." Abby mumbled, trying to hide her face into her turtleneck.

"What?" Susan asked, trying to make sure what came out of Abby's mouth was indeed true.

"I was at his apartment, the night before you called me about your dress, and I found this bottle of…I forget what is was now but," Abby paused, recollecting her thoughts she continued, "he's over medicating himself." She the last bit with a hurtful realization. "And so I took it."

"The bottle?"

"Yes. And then when I was walking across the street, after meeting with you that day at the shop, we ran into each other on the street and he was really mad…not right…not-"

"Carter."

"I know."

"Is it broken?"

"Just a hairline fracture." Abby barely spit out, fighting desperately to push her tears away. Susan gave Abby a hug and jumped up from the couch. She went to the fridge and brought two pint sized cartons of ice cream.

"Rocky Road." Susan beamed, handing a spoon and carton to Abby.

"Rocky Road does the heart good!" Abby laughed. "Thanks Susan." She said in between mouthfuls.

"What am I hear for?"


	6. Roads Once Traveled

"No! Is this fun for you guys? Pick a med student and harass him for the rest of his career!"

"John, calm down." Weaver suggested.

"What about you Deb? Think I need to be locked up too?"

"John."

"You won't be locked up, you just have to attend the clinic everyday." Susan commented. "You've been there before so it wouldn't all be new and strange territory for you."

"Oh thanks!" he answered sarcastically, "because that makes it oh so much better."

Abby waited outside, randomly looking through patient charts to make the time pass by.

"Abby?" Neela asked.

"What." Abby said a little to fast and a little to severe.

"Um…can you assist me on a knee lach in 3?"

"I'm in triage." She responded quickly, flipping through the papers.

"You're in the nurses station."

"Neela-"

"What are they doing in there?" Neela commented, nodding in the direction of the lounge.

"Nothing." Abby said, grabbing a stack of folders and heading towards the elevators. "If anyone asks…I'll be in the psych lounge."

Neela passed by the lounge doors, trying to be subtle about peeking through the tiny window that graced the wooden door. Still walking by, but not taking her eyes off the window, she bumped into Pratt as Frank passed by.

"Spying for the bloody Iraqi's." Frank commented.

"Watch out girl."

"Sorry Dr. Pratt."

"Tryin' to figure out what's going down in there?"

"No."

"I already tried. They're talking to Carter about something; all of the attendings are in there."

"I think Abby has something to do with it."

"Thought so too. Didn't really by that story about her falling down the stairs."

"Same."

Luka sat in the corner sipping his coffee. He was amused by it all; everyone telling Carter how to feel and deal. After his whole family was bombed, he didn't have to go to therapy. But then again, he didn't resort to drugs either. He had tuned out and hadn't noticed everyone's attention diverted towards him.

"Luka." Weaver repeated herself.

"Yes?"

"Do you think John should have to travel to Atlanta?"

"No comment." He said politely, taking another sip from his coffee.

"Fine, majority rules. You leave in three hours." Everyone filed out one by one leaving a frustrated Carter and an unyielding Weaver. "Abby will be accompanying you."

"No, I don't want to drag her into this again."

"You already have. And if you don't go I'll fire you and send an invoice to all Chicago area hospitals and private practices about your history."

"All right. Where is she?" Carter asked taking off his lab coat.

"You'll have to find her."

Carter slammed the lounge door behind him and walked towards the nurses' station. Neela was squatting on the floor looking for an old file when she saw Carter's head appear. "She's in the lounge on five." She admitted quickly trying to avoid his gaze.

Pushing the elevator button for five he waited impatiently for the doors to open. Fidgeting with his tie, he crossed the floor towards the door in the corner of the hallway. Carter peeked through the window to see if she was still in there. Abby was there all right; laughing with that doctor who had driven her away on a motorcycle one night. Carter wished he could smile like that again. Or at least make someone he loves smile. Abby caught Carter's face in the window and her watched her innocent grin grow slowly into a concerned frown.

Carter stepped back from the door spotting a row of chairs. He sat down in the middle of three when Abby emerged from the lounge, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. He loved it when she did that.

Without saying a word, she sat down beside him, waiting. Minutes passed by, patients passed by. After thinking for a while, Carter let out a heavy sight and looked at Abby's wrist.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"  
"I know." Abby said. She stood up and walked to the elevator. "Aren't you coming?" she asked, a little annoyed by the situation. They took the elevator down to the second floor, then the stairs to the first as to avoid Haleh and Chuny-the gossip queens of the ER.

In her apartment, she grabbed two suitcases and put them on her bed. Looking around, Carter noticed a vase of 'alive' flowers sitting in the middle of her kitchen table.

"Waiting for them to die the slow way?"

"My brother sent them. He said he saw them and that they reminded him of me." She said.

She walked back towards the kitchen and sat her suitcases down. Opening the refrigerator door, Abby started to toss food into the freezer. Standing back up she noticed Carter's expression, or lack there of. It was if it were just there; unmoving, unchanging. His hands were embedded to his jean pockets and his hair was disheveled.

Taking the car from her apartment, he had insisted that they stop at a Quick-Trip to pick up some Advil.

"Planning to overdose on those?"

"They're for your wrist."

Driving in silence the rest of the way, they pulled up in front of his apartment complex.

Taking the keys from his coat pocket, he opened the door quickly and walked inside without asking Abby of she could come in. She assumed to enter and took off her jacket and placed it on a nearby chair.

On the plane Abby had chosen the aisle and Carter the window. A huge disgruntled man at in between them, constantly blowing his nose every five minutes.

Abby took the passkey from out of her back pocket and opened the hotel door with her foot. Flipping on the light switch she groaned.

"What?" Carter asked, still standing in the hallway.

"I asked for two beds, they gave us one."

"I'll sleep on the floor." He suggested.

"No."

"You're not sleeping on the floor-"

"I know…I'll call to get us another room."

"Abby." Carter stepped inside grabbing the key from her hands. "We can be adults about this. You can have the right while I'll sleep on the left. Just because two people are sharing a bed doesn't have to mean anything."

Abby just stared at him as he brought the rest of the luggage in. She dismissed her comment and started to help.

"You know, we're going to have to find an apartment soon. The hotel will be expensive."

"I know." He said quietly, rolling up his sleeves and scratching at the back of his head.

"Want to start looking tomorrow?"

"Ok."

"Do you want to go out to eat or stay in?"  
"Don't care."

"You know, I'm loving your two words answers here."

"Just tired."

"Why don't we order a pizza!" she said in a rare upbeat tone.

"Pepperoni!" they both said in unison, sharing a brief smile.

Switching on the TV and grabbing her second pizza, she turned to Zoolander on PPV.

"…Or maybe it's because I'm like ridiculously good looking …" Abby mimicked.

"This movie is stupid."

"But funny." Abby pointed out. Thunder bounced against the windows and the lights flickered. The power went out.

All of a sudden a flash light clicked on.  
"Where did that come from?"  
"In Africa, we learned to keep a flashlight in our pillowcases at all times."

"Oh."

Minutes later they found some candles and lighted them. Both sat on the bed, legs crossed, at a loss of words. Abby had been avoiding the subject of why they were there in the first place. So was Carter. He stood unexpectantly to busy himself but Abby gently took hold of his arm and pulled him back down to her.

"We need to talk about this." She insisted trying to catch he gaze.

"I know." He let out a heavy sigh.

"Do you want to start?"

"Sure." He paused, "It's simple. I've relapsed completely and have resorted to shooting up again. I went as low as stealing the cases from work."

"What?" Abby said more than asked in surprise.

"Yep, that was John Carter; hopeless doctor and failed father."

A moment of silence passed, Carter continued, "I was feeling lost and afraid and lonely all at the same time. I wanted to turn to you first and I know you would have helped me, but I didn't want you to in the beginning. A part of me is still mad at your for leaving me with Gamma, but I knew that was selfish with me. Then I went to go hide in Africa and made the mistake of getting Kem pregnant while at the same time suddenly ending what we had. But that mistake turned into love and joy for Kem and me. I loved her, I really loved her with or without our son." Silence engulfed the room. Abby sat still waiting for Carter to resume his monologue. She ran her hands through her hair and he smiled in his heart. "But then I realized she was right. I liked her in the beginning yes, but love? That only came after I knew she was carrying my son, but not in love with her…I don't know anymore." He started to ramble, "All this is so messed up. I was so in love with you. I wanted to marry you! But I was in love with my son too and…shit! What is love? Maybe I'm just incapable of loving one person and-" and he stopped.

Abby once again sat in silence, not knowing what to say or do, whether or not to say everything will be ok or to say that life is shit so get on with it. But then she thought of how she could relate…she too had lost a child had she not? Abby placed her hand under his chin and lifted it so that he caught her gaze, but his eyes quickly diverted back down to the flowery sheets beneath them. "Look at me." She asked and he obliged. "I had an abortion." She waited then quickly added, "With Richard…I lost a child that I never knew. And I don't know how or why but I know that I love that child and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him or her. What you're going through is hard…it's tough. But you, you John Carter that deep down in your stubborn heart that there was nothing that you could have done to save your son. Nothing. But neither you nor me will ever forget them. Just remember that."

"I took drugs. I made me feel…still…just there."

"And I turned to alcohol."

"I don't want to be that person."

"And as long as I'm around I'll make sure of that. And you the same for me."

"Thank you." He whispered as he gave her an uncanny pat on the back (even though he wanted to give her something more to show how much he cared for her but…) and collapsed into the armchair.


	7. Atlanta

**Part Three**

Three weeks had passed since their arrival in Atlanta. Abby drove her rental car back to the apartment. After flipping through endless channels and trying to read a book, she grabbed the keys and walked downstairs to the mailroom. Somehow she had received a letter from her brother, a few bills, and a letter addressed to both she and Carter. Abby looked at the return address and saw it was from County. She sat down by the pool and opened the letter from Eric.

Dear Abby,

Hey! Well, I'm better. I have a small place down in Texas, this city called Little Elm and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about any damages I caused to you or John (or "Carter" if you prefer) both physically and emotionally. I know you two were only trying to help. Tell him I said hi. Call me ok? (214)555-8906.

-Eric

Hope you liked the daisy!

Abby smiled briefly and folded the letter back into its envelope. She set the letter from County to the side and started to open the bills. A shadow crept in her view of the sun and a spot of water dripped onto her hand. Abby looked up and saw a man grinning like a little boy on Christmas morn. "May I help you? Abby asked in her trademark tone.

"Yes actually." The overly cocky, but handsome man answered. "I'm looking for a woman in her thirties, brunette with some fading blonde highlights, yeh high, and is sarcastic. Oh and goes by the name of Ms. Lockhart."

"Excuse me?" Abby smirked standing up to meet Mr. Arrogance.

"Oh yes," he extended his hand, "My name is Michael Villaforte. A friend of Mr. Carter."

Carter walked along the empty corridor. The grey walls and white tile made one feel uneasy. He stopped by the vending machine and got himself a Hershey bar. Carter waited by the glass double doors for Abby. It seemed as if he always was waiting for her. The white Volvo pulled up right on time.

"How was your day?" Abby asked.

"Good Mom. Timmy even let me play with his GI Joe at recess!"

"John."

"Abby." Carter simply stated, breaking off a piece of chocolate and handing it to her.

"Want to go swimming?"

"Don't have swim trunks."

"I got you a pair at Target for fifty percent off."

"You're not the swimming type."

"Fine, I'll go without you."

"You met Mike didn't you?" he laughed.

"Who?" Abby asked trying not to smile.

"Mike with a French accent Mike. Michael Villaforte. I talked to him the other day and thought you two could go out some time while we're here."

"I saw a wedding ring on his hand."

"Ouch."

"We're leaving in two weeks anyways."

Carter flopped on the couch the moment they hit the door and immediately fell asleep. He awoke to the sound of Abby snoring on the chair across from him. He looked at the clock and realized it was already nine at night. He peeled his blanket off of him and draped it on her. She looked to peaceful when she was sleeping. Carter brushed a strand of hair off her face and smiled. But his smile faded away when he glanced at her wrist, which was still inhabited by the cast. Carter became frustrated with himself and yanked open the freezer to delve into some Rocky Road ice cream. Abby slowly opened her eyes to find Carter holding the envelope from County in his hands; still stuffing ice cream in his mouth.

"Go ahead and open it." Abby said wrapping the blanket around her and seating at the kitchen table across from him. He opened the letter upside down and out came a flood of folded pieces of paper.

Abby grabbed the one nearest to her and started to unfold it.

"They look like letters."

"Good one Sherlock."

"This one is from Susan."

"What's it say?" Carter asked, rubbing his temples.

"It says…

Dear Carter,

Hi! I hope all is well. Sorry about the comment I made about 'last time' so…Don't come back with a farmer's tan. Tell Abby I said hey and that I hop her wrist gets better. Love ya both!

-Susan

"You told her about last time?" Carter asked in disbelief.

"It was when Paul came in, remember? I wanted restraints and she needed to know why."

"That doesn't give you the right-"

"Susan and me are friends. Girlfriends talk about past boyfriends. Besides, didn't think you'd mind considering-"

"Considering what?"

"You two are close."

"And why did she have to bring up your arm…" Carter trailed off and stared at the table.

"Carter," Abby tried, "John sit down."

"I need a beer." Carter walked towards the door.

"No…" Abby jumped from the chair and blocked the door.

"Out-of-my-way."

"No." Abby stuttered. His fists were clenched and the look in his eyes told her not to mess with him. She slowly stepped aside as he brushed past her and slammed the door shut.

Abby let out a heavy sigh not realizing she had been holding her breath. A single tear escaped her as she quickly brushed it away. Her eyes fell upon a tiny red envelope with her name written across it with handwriting she knew all to well.

Abby:

This letter has more than one direction or at least that's how you say it in English. How are you doing? I'm sorry about your wrist and I know he didn't do it in good faith. You are a brave woman. You went back to school and yet you're by your friend's side when he is at his worst. That's what I have always loved about you. Your loyalty. I hope everything turns out the best for both of you. Abby you can always come talk to me if you're up to it. I miss our conversations. Come home soon.

LK

Abby could here his voice inside her head as she read the letter, the soft-spoken Croatian accent of his. She was surprised at his words because if all this were true he held his feelings deep at work. She brought some vanilla ice cream from the freezer and plunked down onto the couch. Abby knew the next morning would be hell. Either Carter would have a sullen hangover, or there wouldn't be a Carter at all.

She though Carter's instincts were right. She needed a beer. Instead she finished the pint and threw it away in the trashcan that was overflowing.

Carter stopped at the end of the stairs and looked back. In front of him lay a road of past addictions and pain. Behind him lay his anchor. Behind hi lay hope. Behind him lay Abby. He realized, as he began to calm down, that he had grabbed one of the letters. He sat down in the middle of the stairwell and began to read.

Carter:

I write to you not to say that I know how you feel but to say I can understand what you are going through. When I lost my family in the war I thought that life couldn't go on and that it was the end for me. I felt like drinking into eternity or punching a concrete wall until my hand eroded away. But I didn't. I didn't because I knew that was not what Jsna would have wanted. My wife would have wanted me to move on; and so I did. Makemba wants you to move on. So you should. Don't take Abby for granted. In less than a year she will be a doctor and who knows where she might go or do. I am proud to say that I have once loved her. Now you have been given a second chance. It's your choice. I hope you are coping well.

LK

Carter laughed at himself. He was perturbed. He chunked the piece of paper at the wall and held his head in his hands. He hated him. How could he just 'move on'? So what if he lost his whole family, Carter just lost the son he never had. He grabbed at his hair and tore at his shirt until it was untucked. In the back of his mind Carter knew that Luka was right; even about Abby. He hated how Luka was always right.

Abby cleared the doorway with gallon sized trash bags full of crap. She walked backwards down the stairs struggling to balance her with the bags.

All he heard was a shriek and a crash. A moment letter he saw Abby in his lap surrounded by a pile of trash. She jumped again at the sight of seeing Carter. Now it was her turn to stare.  
"I never left." He said. Carter picked off rice that was on her shirt and put his hands around her waist to help her back up. She secretly smiled. The mere thought of him not drinking tonight made her happy. It made her happy to think that they were above it.

"What have you been doing here all this time?"

"Thinking?"

"About…" Abby asked, starting to pick up the trail of trash.

"You." Abby looked at him then he quickly continued. "And Luka and Kem and…you." He smiled a bit. "You know I'm really sorry about your arm I didn't mean to-"

"I know."

Abby stood up and tied the first bag up again, her back facing him. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Abby was surprised by this sudden action but just wrapped her hands around his. All he wanted was a hug; all he needed was a hug. Thank you.


	8. Typical Carter

The flight back to Chicago was just as the flight to Atlanta. They took the El on Carter's line but it was somehow different. Abby had only been on this side of town once before. Carter noticed the confused expression on Abby's face as he sat there quietly. "I wanted to show you something." He said. He stood up at the appropriate stop and hauled their bags onto the deck. From there they took a taxi.

They walked along a silent street, leaving their bags at the corner with a boy Carter paid fifty dollars to watch their stuff. The April air greeted them with the sun beaming down upon the trees. Carter opened the gate and climbed the stairs to this once familiar door. Abby followed in silence. He slipped a pair of keys out of his pocket and cranked the door open. He began to wander throughout the house.

"I bought this a couple of months ago."

"For you and Kem."

He nodded and traced his fingers along the unpainted walls. He sat down on the couch and stared. Abby approached him and started to talk but he interrupted.

"It isn't right." He started, "Maybe it was too perfect. A family. Our house…"

"Carter, you shouldn't put yourself through this."

"What am I supposed to do with this place?"

"I don't know."

The phone rang twice before Abby picked it up. Susan was on the other line asking a million questions about the trip.

"And how is Carter?"

"Fine."

"Like normal fine, pre-Makemba era fine or fine like he's ok but not shooting up."

"I'll pick answer 'b'."

"Ok, but don't forget about May 2."

"What?" Abby asked as she unpacked her last suitcase.

"My wedding! Don't tell me you forgot."

"Oh yeah. Sorry. What time do you want me to pick up Doug and Carol?"

Susan told, in great detail, what Abby was supposed to do. She was to pick up Carol and Doug tomorrow at three from the airport. They were to stay with her. Carol would take care of the dress and Abby was to coax Carter into being a groomsmen.

Abby dressed in her scrubs and grabbed her bag. She had a 'fifth floor' orientation up in OB. She had worked there before for so many years; it felt weird to go up as a med student. Dr. Coburn guided them into the nursery to wait for further instructions.  
"Why does this feel like the NICU?" Neela asked frantically rubbing her hands together.

"Neela."

"I know, just need to calm down."

"My parents left me in the nursery for five days." Nestor said.

"That's nice."

Abby and Neela took their breaks downstairs in the ER while Nestor visited the jail ward. Luka and Carter were the only attendings, so they snuck into the lounge.

Neela pulled a book out of her lab coat and began to read as Abby poured them a cup of coffee.

"Were you invited?" Neela asked.

"To…?"

"Dr. Lewis' wedding."

"Oh yeah, that."

"I was but I don't know whether I should go or not."

"Go. It'll be fun."

"I haven't been to a wedding since grammar school."

"When are you off?" Abby asked contemplating how four people she barely even knew would be sharing an apartment with her.

"At one but Ray asked me to help him with something."

"Forget Ray, I'm off at two.

"And what am I supposed to tell him?"

Just then Carter and Luka pushed their backs into doorway talking about something in hushed voices. At the sight of Abby, Carter blushed and Luka became deathly silent. Luka studied Neela and Abby for a moment drinking a cup of coffee. He pulled a chair from the table and sat opposite of Neela.

"Aren't you two supposed to be in OB?"

"We're on a break." Abby said as she saw Carter leaving out of the corner of her eye.

"Well, got to get back to work then huh?" Luka said with an awkward silence at the end.

Neela glanced between Abby and the door rather quickly trying to figure out what was going on.

"What was that?" Neela asked almost laughing.

"Don't know." Abby said calmly, her eyes darting purposefully around the room. Both broke into a laugh.

_Gate 541A6 now arriving. 541A6 now arriving from Seattle._ The overhead intercom blared loudly into the depths of Neela, Abby, and Ray's ears. The trio gathered around a small section of chairs; Neela reading a medical journal, Abby flipping through a magazine, and Ray strumming his air guitar.

At the sound of the announcement, Abby quickly checked the folder Susan gave her and stood up. Hopping over Ray's outstretched legs, she crossed into the terminal. Carol looked around aimlessly as Doug struggled to hold onto two fidgeting little girls. Spotting Abby, Carol broke into a huge smile and gave her a wave.

Kate finally fell free of her father's arms and rushed to her mother's side. Carol placed Kate on her bag and gave Abby another wave. "Hi." They both said in unison as Neela and Ray finally caught up to all of them.

"Oh. This is my husband Doug." Carol added as he extended his hand out to Abby, winking in the process, which caused Abby to blush.

"Well I finally get to meet the notorious Dr, Ross."

He laughed at Abby's comment. With his hands in his pockets, Ray rocked back and forth on his heels releasing an enormous grunt. Abby rolled her eyes and introduced her (comrades).

The ride to Abby's apartment went fairly well. Doug and Ray carried the bags as Tess couldn't get enough of Abby.

"It's Neela, right?" Carol asked, trying to make polite conversation.

"Yes ma'm it is."

"Call me Carol."

"So your friends of Abby?"

"Susan mostly, but I guess you could say that. I mean, she delivered Tess so I guess she is more than an acquaintance. We all used to work together. I left about six years ago or so."

"So did Doug use to live in Chicago as well then?"

"Yeh, he worked at County as well."  
"That's cool."

Their conversation became strained as the minutes ticked by. Abby returned with a fresh pot of tea breaking the tension in the air. Neela ran off to her fake appointment while Doug and Ray played hoops downstairs. Two hours had passed and the two reminisced about old times. But one question remained unanswered.

"So how's Mark doing these days?" Carol asked as if her question had no weight to it. Abby sat in disbelief. "What?" Carol tried again, breaking out into a broad grin.

The El rushed by, causing Susan to lose her paper. Carter laughed and struggled to pick it up from the ground but with no avail. They sat in comfortable silence watching the multitudes of people go by.

Susan lifted out her latest Nicholas Sparks novel out of her bag and began to read. Carter rolled his eyes in annoyance. "What?' Susan asked, "You were fine until I pulled my book out."

"You're reading Nicholas Sparks."

"And…"

"I just think he's a cheap author."

"Carter, Nick's book cost me a whole fifteen dollars in hardback." Susan said placing the book face down on her lap.

"Not cheap like that. I mean he has no substance."

"Love is substance. Besides, how do you know what Nicholas Sparks writes? Ever read one of his books?"

"No. Previous girlfriends read his books."

"Even…Abby?" Susan said teasingly already knowing the answer.

"No." Carter smiled shaking his head, "she likes that weird dark stuff. Stephen King and Robin Cook."

"And what books do you fancy Mr. Know It All?"

"I stick with the basics." He started with a tone much like the one he took when trying t recite Hamlet. "C.S. Lewis, Salinger, Shakespeare, and maybe a little Robin Cook here and there."

"I prefer to refer to Salinger as a 'one hit wonder'".

"Catcher in the Rye I presume?"

"Yes. I remember reading it in high school, falling in love with Holden Caulfield."

"Your literary taste astounds me."

"Thankee-sai."

"Welcome."

Resuming their silent solace, Carter contemplated whether or not to tell Susan what happened two nights earlier when it he was feeling lonely. He actually though about calling Abby before it had happened, but he didn't want to face her. Not after she flew with him all the way down to humid Atlanta. No, he decided, he couldn't tell Abby. Carter glanced back at Susan who was enjoying her book all too well. He decided to wait, but he would talk to Susan.

Once on the El, Susan gave up on Mr. Sparks and sat across from Carter trying to catch his gaze.

"You coming?"

"I'm on the El aren't I?"

"Not to Abby's, to my wedding."

"Still thinking about it." He answered a little uneasily shifting his weight in his seat.

"C'mon Carter, I've known you for almost ten years. That has to amount to something."

"Susan."

"I'm not taking your sullen 'no' for an answer."

"I need to tell you something."

Three knocks came rapidly at the wooden door. A phone rang in the distance. Tess and Cate immediately awoke from their afternoon naps, as Doug still lay limp on the couch.

Giving Abby a worried glance and a quick hug, Susan ran across the room towards Carol, their arms opened wide. "It's been too long." They both said in unison rocking back and forth in each others (embrace?).

Doug finally woke up from all the commotion as Cate climbed up into his lap dumbfounded. Forgetting about the door, Abby was startled by two hands resting on her shoulders. "Hey." Carter said almost in a whisper. She looked up at him and smiled.

"Hey Carter, what's happening man?" Doug welcomed, closing the door and patting him on the back.

"Dr. Ross." Carter said in a reserved voice.

"I got his boy out of his Peds rotation." Doug beamed, winking at Abby for the second time. He joined Susan and Carol at the kitchen table.

After settling Cate and Tess down with a movie, Abby and Carter stole to the apartment stairs outside the building. As they sat under the cloudless, starry sky, Carter fought within himself whether or not to tell Abby his sin. He looked in her direction expecting to find happiness and hope, but to his chagrin he found an Abby who stared up into the sky with a tear forming in the corner of her eye. Readjusting his position on the steps he thought of the day four years ago, in drug lock-up to be exact, when he told Abby what he was about to tell her now.

"How could you?" Abby said firmly facing head towards Carter.

"What?" Carter asked, a little taken back by the tone of her voice. She shook her head in disgust.

"After everything everyone has done for you."

"Abby-"

"No. Listen. You'd think tow times to Atlanta would do it. But no, John Truman Carter _uses_ again!" her gaze went back to the stars.

"I…I-" he stammered out.

"I, I what?" she mocked. "You slipped, that's what." Abby paused. "Were you ever going to tell me or do you think I'm that stupid not to figure it out?"

"I wanted to but-"

"But what?" She waited patiently for his response. "What you do doesn't just affect John Carter; it effects everyone around you."

Carter stood up in disgrace and in rage and faced Abby as she sat on the second to last step. A cold breeze swept by and chilled them both.

"I'm sorry." He controlled his voice looking for hope in her eyes, but Abby met his with a cold, hard stare. "You have a problem too." He added, immediately regretting his words.

"That's right Carter. I'm the alcoholic. I'm the mother who aborted her child. I'm the student who dropped out of med school because her ex-husband who didn't pay her tuition. Happy?"

"Well you're trying to make it all about me; but it's not. You have your issues as well." He said in notorious cocky attitude.

"Don't you get it?" Abby gasped, "It is all about you. You've been given a second chance…again! Don't be the stubborn man I know you to be. If Weaver finds out she'll fire you. Don't you get that?"

"Let her fire me, see what I care." He took a step back.

The wind blew harder against their already rosy cheeks. Abby looked at Carter as if he had a third eyeball growing out of his head. Her look terrified him but he hid it well. She maintained her solid silence until he slowly walked down the street. He could feel her eyes on the back of his head.

Abby could hear Susan coming down the stairs, telling them dinner was ready. Susan stepped out into the windy air trying to call Abby back in. When Abby didn't respond, or even turn for that matter, she noticed Carter was missing. Without even asking Abby muttered, "He left."


	9. Almost a Bride

May 2, 2:00 am

Susan lay wide awake next to Chuck who was snoring like the oversized man that he is. She could hear Amelia's soft breathing in the baby monitor. Susan leaned over on her stomach to peek underneath the bed. The dress was still there. As being the chief of emergency medicine at County, she was able to reschedule her friends' shifts and appointments. Susan closed her eyes and went back to bed.

2:30 am

Abby sluggishly was lead out of bed by a pair of tiny hands wanting reassurance. Tess had a nightmare and jumped into Abby's bed. After making sure the twins were asleep she climbed back into bed and turned on the lamp. After dialing a number she knew by heart, Abby quickly hit 'end' instead of 'talk' and hung up the phone. Switching the lamp off, she curled up beneath her blankets and fell asleep.

3:00 am

Carter slid out of the shower, wrapping his forest green towel around waist. He removed the fog from his mirror by wiping his hands across the surface. A pair of sorry brown eyes stared back at him. He hadn't talked to Abby in three days and had not eaten at all yesterday. Pulling on his old County baseball shirt and red boxers, Carter returned to his bed and lay motionless. He started to dial Abby's number but decided against it seeing that it was three in the morning.

3:30 am

Chuck nudged Susan in the shoulder causing her to wake up once more.

"You nervous?" a muffled voice asked.

"No. You?" Susan answered.

"Anxious."

"Same."

"Heard you looking at your dress."

"Night Chuck."

"I wanna talk to my bride to be." He said as he tried to give Susan a kiss.

"Your bride to be wants to sleep."

"Fine."

"Thank you."

"Love you."

"Love ya too."

4:00 am

Trivial thoughts danced around Abby's mind as she shuffled un her bed trying to go back to sleep. Susan's wedding had made her think of, well, love. Abby smiled at that thought. Only is she could walk down the aisle and have it not end in turmoil. She grabbed a book that was sitting on the foot of her bed; _Rats and Lice: A History_. Frowning at the title, Abby remembered it was Dr. Dubenko who had given it to her for Christmas. Feeling underneath her bed she found _Wizard and Glass: The Dark Tower IV_ by Stephen King.

4:30 am

Carter sat by the window reading his _New England Medical Journal_. After five minutes of reading about the growing risk of patients using _diethlpropin_ as a dietary supplement, he let his elbow rest at the nearby desk. Something dropped. A tiny black box sitting on its side caught his eye. It was Gamma's ring. A flush of emotions ran through Carter's head as he quickly placed the box back into the desk.

5:00 am

Neela and Ray clocked out and yawned at the end of their twelve-hour shift. Morris walked into the admit desk carrying a cup of coffee and a box of doughnuts. "Good morning!" he said as the box swam under Ray's nose. After grabbing a handful of the doughnuts, Neela led the way to the early May horizon. She had promised Abby to be at her apartment by ten to help out with the wedding. "See ya later!" Ray yelled as they parted ways at the sidewalk. Maybe she'll see a different side of Dr. Carter she though as she stuffed the last of the doughnut into he mouth.

Cookie rang the doorbell three times before Chuck answered. Within five minutes she was gone with a crying Amelia in her arms. Susan stood in the door frame, arms crossed, and smiling.

They both stood in silence trying to sink in all that was going to happen by tonight. Chuck moved towards the bathroom. "I told John that I was coming over in about thirty minutes so…"

"Go ahead."

"See ya." She said kissing her on the cheek.

"Better not get cold feet!"

Susan beamed as he shut the bathroom door behind her.

Susan dialed Abby's number making sure she was already awake. By the sound of her voice though, Susan knew she had woken her up.

"Hey Abby it's me!"

"Hi." Abby yawned.

"You know what to do and Carol knows what to do."  
"Good morning to you too."  
"You can pick up the twin's dresses from the dry cleaners at one."  
"OK."

"And make sure Carter shows up or you'll be walking down that aisle alone."

"But I haven't spoken to him in-"

"Don't care. Good luck!"

Abby jumped at the hard knock on her bedroom door. It was Doug.

"Time to get up."

"Thanks." Abby fabricated a smiled and rolled her eyes when he left. After listening a while to the Ross family that was taking over her apartment, she raked her hand through her hair and dialed Carter's number. It clicked over to his voicemail.

He saw her name show up on caller ID and quickly lunged for it. As it rang in his hands, seeing her name, he sat the phone back down. Carter turned on the light to his closet eyeing his grey tux. Chuck had dropped it off over an hour ago. He ran his hands down the soft material and smiled. A glimpse of Abby and him wandered into his mind but quickly dissipated. She would call later.

Abby took the dress from beneath her bed and undid the plastic hanging on the door. It was a deep lilac; reminded her of her old nursing scrubs. The dress had a boat neck neckline and sleeves that stopped just below her elbows. The middle curved inward to make a tight fit and the skirt spilled out t make the shape of a bell that went _whoosh_ when she walked. I hate this dress Abby thought to herself.

Neela gave a courteous 'hello' as she passed the Ross family on the stairs. She pulled out her spare key prying nervously at the door knowing how Abby was in the morning.

"I'm awake. I've had coffee. It's safe." Abby said.

"You're not dressed!" Neela said.

"Just give me ten more minutes."

"Dr. Lewis is going to be pissed if we're late."

"We won't be late."

"Abby?", Neela paused not really sure why she was asking this question, "is Dr. Carter coming to the wedding?"

Abby stood up from where she was sitting and headed towards the bathroom door. She didn't mean to be rude but Neela was getting ready to get on her last nerves. "I don't know." Abby closed the door behind her and let out a heavy sigh. Every time Carter's name was spoken two things happened; butterflies and a sense of sadness.

**Part Four**

John Truman Carter the Third lay limp on his bed fully dresses in his gray tux. He was undecided. Abby hadn't called him back and he promised himself if she did, he would be there. But she hadn't called. The mere sight of her name on caller ID made him smile as his heart filled with mixed emotions

Carter stood up and laced his newly polished shoes. He had to go, he thought, because if he didn't Susan would give him hell. After examining himself in the mirror, he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth for the fifth time in two hours. His phone rang on silent; it was Abby.

Abby grunted when Carter didn't pick up his phone for the second time. She whispered _shit_ underneath her breath as she struggled with her hair. Neela had been gone for an hour now and was meeting up with Ray.

The limo pulled up right as Abby and Carol sped out of the apartment. Abby held her shoes in her hand as she ran down the two flights of stairs in her Asics trying to keep up with Carol. Mr. Capley opened the doors and helped them inside.

"Where to?" he asked.

"St. Ignacious street left of Market Rd. Third house on the left." Carol spit out as she sat down across from Abby.

Abby sat uncomfortably across from her fellow bridesmaid. "Something wrong between you and Carter?" Carol asked. Abby looked down at her hands and blushed.

"You could say that." She mumbled, secretly smiling.

"You love him don't you?" Carol said teasingly.

"Really, thought I was still in the infatuation stage." Abby let out a nervous laugh. She found a loose strand and pulled it behind her ear.

"He likes it when you do that."

"What?" Abby snapped, caught off guard. "Sorry."

"He told me."

"He probably told him to talk him up to."

"Abby-"

"No, don't. For him not showing up at one of his best friend's wedding is just-"

"What?"

"He's too stubborn that's all."

Carol went ahead of Abby as they followed Susan to a back room inside the church. Abby stood outside in the parking lot, squinting as the sun reflected off of the concrete. She dialed Carter's number for the last time and got his voicemail. Picking up the bottom of her poofy dress, she ascended the stone steps to aid Susan.

Susan stood in front of a floor mirror in the corner of the room. She messed with her veil as Carol placed a string of pearls around Susan's neck. She turned at the sound of Abby coming through the door. "You were silent in the limo, is Carter coming?" Susan asked. Dismissing Susan's last comment, Abby flashed Susan a warm smile.

"You look beautiful." Abby said, crossing the room and helping Susan with her veil.

"Thank you, but stop patronizing me. Is Carter coming?" Susan asked once more.

Abby looked Susan straight in the eye and said, "I don't know."


	10. Chaos Settled

Iverson 6

The choir began to sing _Ave Maria_ as the bridal party lined up behind the closed oak doors. A small breeze came through an open window at the end of the corridor. The doors opened and Cate and Tess began their procession down the aisle. They threw yellow and white Rose petals onto the ground. Following the twins were Doug and Carol, arm in arm. Three steps, four, now five. It was Abby's turn to move; to walk down that aisle alone. Not realizing she had been holding her breath waiting for Carter to arrive miraculously, she took her first step.

Susan fluffed her dress and picked at her bouquet as she watched Abby pass the first set of pews. She could see Chuck smiling at her from the front of the church. Susan gave him a playful wink. With a cue from the conductor, the organ started to play. A sudden blow to her left shoulder interrupted Susan's focus. Someone had tripped over her train and collided with her shoulder. Turning around, she discovered the culprit had vanished. Her head whipped back to her wedding and she saw Carter gracefully catching up with Abby and elegantly sliding his arm into hers.

Abby was startled by the touch of Carter's arm slipping into hers. She looked at him and smiled as she let out a huge sigh of relief. "I thought you weren't coming." Abby whispered.

"You look beautiful." was all he could think to say in return.

Haleh and Chuny almost clapped as Carter and Abby passed their pew. Ray and Neela were surprised by the nurses' sudden burst of happiness and ventured to question them but the organ picked up its tune and Susan walked through the door.

The night was clear and filled with stars, a warm breeze swayed here and there. The lively music of the reception could be heard a mile away and across the sandy shore of the lake. White tents graced the lake's shoreline and stringed lights glittered against the dark background. Besides Susan and Chuck, all anyone could really talk about was Carter and Abby.

Carter looked around anxiously for Abby as he held two glasses of ginger ale. They hadn't spoken since their walk down the aisle and they had both ridden in separate limos on the way to the reception. Abby was relieved and upset at Carter's arrival to Susan's wedding. She didn't know what to make of it. She really wanted some wine but didn't give into her temptation. Neela had mentioned something about ginger ale and Abby made a beeline for it.

The band began to play a slow melody and Susan led Chuck onto the dance floor. Doug and Carol followed, then Luka and Sam. Carter glanced around for Abby. He saw Neela and Ray talking over some roasted ham, Haleh and Chuny gossiping about something, and then he saw her. Abby was leaning up against one of the poles watching Susan and Chuck dance. Carter slowly made his way towards Abby so that she wouldn't see him and walk away. "May I have this dance?" has asked.

"Carter, you know I don't dance." She said, not taking her eyes off of Susan and Chuck.

"What about my Gamma's gala?"

"You mean that charity ball?" she turned to face him.

"Yeh, and we slit Richard's tire."

They both laughed. Carter looked at Abby in a way that made her heart skip a beat and her skin crawl with goosebumps. Their faces were almost touching, their noses rubbing against each other. "I love you Abby." He whispered as he leaned in.

"John-" she started to say. Right as her lips brushed against his, Abby took a step back. She looked at Carter in a confused stare and headed for the parking lot.

"Abby wait!" Carter yelled as he ran after her. Neela caught all of this from the corner of her eye, so did Ray.

Crap! Abby thought to herself. Neela was her ride home. She didn't want to look like a fool standing idle, so she pretended to look for her car. Carter reached her and almost reached for her arm but decided against it. "Abby, stop please." Carter heaved out, hands on knees, sucking in air.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

"I'm trying to be with you."

"And so was I until you ran away to Africa and-"

"You dumped me remember?"

"I only asked for my key back…I wanted to think."

"I wanted to talk to you, but then Luka…I wanted to stay"

"It wasn't fair to me."

"I thought about you everyday."  
"What, until you sent me that letter and got Kem pregnant?" she paused, "Everyone read it too, dug it out of the trashcan."

He paused to think her last statement over and decided it was irrelevant. The wind picked up in the starry sky, so Abby ran her fingers through her hair. He smiled.

"I'm not going to lie. I loved Kem, you know that, but only because she was carrying my son. Only because of that; I love you for Abby. Not past Abby, not would be Abby, just Abby." He took a step closer.

"John."

"Yes?" he asked carelessly with a hint of hope.

"We'd better get back."

Carter's heart sank as he threw his hands up in the air as Abby turned her back on him and headed towards the tents. Just as he was about to head back himself, he heard his name in the distance. A car pulled up with its brights on, and a figure emerged and gave him a hug.

"I've missed you so much."

It was Kem.

The ER was busy as usual. Ray, Neela, Abby, and Pratt were the underlings for the day and Luka was the only other attending besides Susan. Kerry was coming at six and no one had seen Carter for a week. Abby was filled with a rush of emotions as his name was mentioned periodically. She replayed the parking lot scene over in her head and could not get Carter out of her mind.

Two GSWs came in, one lived and the other went into a systole within two minutes. Ray and Abby headed towards the lounge after peeling off their bloody gloves. Ray handed Abby a cup of coffee and she was immediately caught off guard by his friendly gesture. "Neela and I know." Ray started.

"Figures; saw you staring us down at the wedding."

"That obvious?" he joked then paused, "Wanna talk about it?"

"With you?" Abby laughed.

"Mocking me?"

"No…but…"

"But what?" he asked firmly placing his cup on the table

"There's nothing to talk about." Abby said, glancing towards the door.

"Wanna know what I think?"

"Not particularly."

"I think you two are in love with each other and are afraid to admit it."

Abby froze before the door. It made her uneasy to think that Ray could dissect her like that. She looked at him in disbelief. Ray continued,

"You two are constantly flirting and when you and Carter are in Trauma, it's as if you two were telepathic or something. You two just take over while Neela and I just watch."

Ray tried to decipher her expression, but with uncertainty continued. "Everyone knows it. We all talk about. And thanks to Dr. Lewis' wedding, Neela and I were let in on the dramatic history between you two."

"Thank you Obi Wan." Abby said plainly and left the lounge leaving Ray sipping his hot coffee.

Twenty minutes later Abby clocked out and headed towards Doc Magoo's. She spotted the back of Carter's head occupying her booth. Ok, her and Carter's booth. Abby hadn't seen him since the wedding. She slid in across from him as he looked up from his newspaper in astonishment.

"Abby" was all that he could think to say. He was still in shock. They needed to talk. The waitress came and refilled Carter's coffee mug and asked if Abby wanted anything. After ordering the usual coffee and pie, she looked at him.

"You disappeared after we…"

"Something happened." He cut her off. They sat in a strained silence. He poked his fork into the pie and took a bite. He nudged the plate back towards Abby who did the same.

"What happened so late at night, and don't tell me you were mugged." She gave a nervous laugh.

Carter watched her for a second, not exactly knowing how to tell her about Kem's unexpected arrival; especially after what he said to Abby. But it was true; he was in love with Abby.

"Kem, she's back in Chicago." He said hesitantly. Abby's fork slipped from her grasp and crashed onto the table. Her heart felt like lead.

"Oh…ok." She said, trying to fight back a whirlwind of emotions.

"No, it's not ok." Carter said placing her fork gently back on her plate. Abby looked at him in a confused stare.

"She's staying at the Hotel Dauphine for an AIDS conference. When I saw her something happened that I thought would never happen…I didn't enjoy her company. She's changed, I've changed, and so have you whether you like it or not…When I was with her all I could think about was you."

Carter waited for her response. Abby stared out the window into the ambulance bay doors. She was reliving their conversation on the roof two years ago.

"_I wanna marry you!"_ he had shouted as a helicopter flew overhead in the thick snow and her just finishing a cigarette.

"_You're crazy!"_ Abby had shouted back.

"_Then I'll fit right in."_

But then, Abby remembered the their date the following night. He had the ring, but something stopped him. Something she had said. _"I don't think people change Carter."_

Kem walked into the busy ER timidly spotting Frank on the phone. Sam, who was working triage, spotted Kem and immediately informed Dr. Lewis. They didn't know what to do. Kem gave a warm smile to everyone but got blank stares in return. Kem held up a tiny box and shrugged her shoulders, "Where's John, I've bought him something?"

Jerry blurted out that he was across the street at Magoo's. After the doors closed, Jerry received many blows to the arm from Chuny, Haleh, Sam, and Susan. Even Kerry seemed annoyed. "Abby's over at Magoo's." said Haleh. Jerry stammered out a weak 'sorry' to everyone still left at the desk. "I didn't know." He said when Susan glared at him.

"If anything bad comes out of this, we blame you…and your future children." She quickly added.

Jerry sank back to the phones as Frank muttered 'retard'.

Carter heard the jingle of the doors opening, and out of mere habit, turned his head. Kem. She quickly walked over to where he was sitting. Abby closed the bathroom stall door behind her and began to wash her hands. Kem tried to kiss Carter, but he turned his head to receive it on his left cheek and gave her a pat on the back. Saddened by his gesture, Kem took a seat next to him not noticing the pie with two forks, and the abandoned lab coat sitting on the other side.

Kem slid the box over to him smiling, saying that she picked it up in Kisangani, where they first met. "Did you miss me?" she asked in an annoyingly teasing voice.

"At first yes." He shot back.

"What's wrong?" she asked, taken back by his hostile attitude. She tried wrapping her hands around his shoulder, but he shrugged them off and scooted towards the window. "John?" she started.

"Don't call me that."

"It's you name silly." She laughed.

"No one calls me that." Carter said. "I think you should leave." He added as he saw Abby rounding the corner looking down at her hands.

Abby was thinking so hard about what to say that she didn't notice Kem trying to plant another kiss on Carter. Finally looking up, she saw Kem quickly get up to leave and handing him a box. Kem, hurried out the diner embarrassed and didn't notice Abby staring at her and Carter. Jerry saw Kem exit and thought to himself, _one down two to go_.

Abby walked slowly back to the booth and gathered up her lab coat. She placed a five dollar bill in front of the pie. "I have to go." She said quietly at a loss of words.

"I understand." He said sadly, fiddling with the box in his hands, his head hanging low.

"I have to meet with Dr. Dubenko anyways to write a thesis." She lied, try to make this easier. She was on the verge of tears, her heart being ripped in two. He looked at her. "Not now." She said.

"Then when?" he stated more to himself. Abby gave him a sad smile and left.

It took Carter a while to realize that he needed to take action. He left enough change on the table to compensate for Abby's five dollars. Jerry watched patiently through the window. First he saw Abby leaving in a hurry, turning the corner to catch the El. About a minute later he saw Carter running out of the diner after her not knowing which way to go.

Jerry pushed past patients and those waiting in triage to reach the ambulance bay doors. "She went left!" he yelled across the street at Carter who gave Jerry and broad smile. Carter broke out in a run towards the El. Running up the stairs, skipping every two steps, he spotted Abby boarding her line. "Abby!" he yelled desperately, but his voice was drowned by the daily bustle of traffic. Miraculously Carter made it onto the train and looked around for her anxiously. He spotted her, standing, brushing away a stray tear and holding onto the pole as the train lurched forward. Abby saw him rushing towards her and their eyes met. Her face lit up so much that it weakened Carter's knees and made him almost blush.

Out of impulse, Carter stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, staring into her deep brown eyes. Abby slowly stood on her toes and kissed him on his forehead. He laughed as she swung her arms around his neck. She looked at him again in utter joy as he leaned in to deepen their kiss, which seemed to pour out everything they had been feeling for each other. It consumed them.

They heard someone suggesting they get a room and they both started to laugh. Abby buried her face into his chest and hugged him tightly. Carter smiled. This was perfection for him. This is where they both wanted to be; together. Abby pulled away and smiled. "I love you." She mouthed.

"I love you so much." He said as he bent down for another kiss.

Jerry let out a sigh of relief.

6


End file.
